“If you paid an extended viewing or non-return fee between January 1, 1992, and April 1, 2001, you are a member of a proposed Settlement Class in an action against Blockbuster Inc.”
Well… doesn’t it just make your heart swell with pride, knowing that our pathetic, litigious society has come up with yet another wonderful way to burn its collective free time.
Never mind that if a video is late, nobody else can rent it until the memory-impaired nimrod who originally borrowed it, finds it under a pile of old playboy magazines two weeks later.
What? You think that two weeks is free, buddy? You’re just lucky most video stores put caps on late fees, so you don’t end up having Vinnie introduce you to his version of Fight Club.
It’s Blockbuster, for crying out loud! They have more branches than the number brain cells you horribly slaughtered last night as you drank yourself into a drunken stupor and puked on your girlfriend during a botched attempt at sex. Get your hung-over ass up, and stammer over to the local video-shack. That way, you can keep that crumpled up five dollar bill you have nestled in your sweaty jockstrap. I mean, you want to have enough cash for that cheap six-pack of condoms, right?
But here I am portraying the average Blockbuster customer as a drunk redneck living in a trailer with a yard full of rusted out Buicks. It’s an exaggeration, to be sure. I almost never return videos on time, myself. But I also know late fees are my fault, unlike some crybaby pricks who don’t want to take some freaking responsibility for their actions.
That’s what this world is coming to, people! Why admit to wrongdoing, when you can just sue the person who made the rules? What’s that Timmy? Bobby wants his toy back? You broke it, and he wants a new one? Well, let’s sue Timmy for overcharging for that toy, that little six-year-old bastard! We’ll teach him to share! What’s next? Libraries?
I suggest writing the address below. Tell all your friends to write to this address as well. Send Blockbuster a nice note, explaining how annoyed you are with the lack of responsibility in our society, and how much you disagree with the court verdict. Yeesh.
P.O. Box 721000
Dallas, Texas 75372-1000