Yeah, that’s right; I’m talking about you. Yes you right there, sitting on your lazy ass reading this. You know what? This country was founded on some pretty amazing fundamentals that are hard to ignore. What am I babbling about? Put the damn remote down and pay attention for a couple minutes and stop acting like a media zombie while I expound on something you obviously don’t have the intelligence to comprehend anyway.

First, let me start off with something: fuck you! Did that offend you? Good! Does it make your eyes bulge with boiling rage and sheer indignation? If so, let me say it again so you’ll get the picture: lick my nut-sack! Oops, looks like I’m not even offending you the same way; look at me, I’m inconsistent! Too fucking bad.

What is this all about? It’s about people not giving others the chance to have their say. I met a woman a couple years ago who seemed cordial enough, but then I made the mistake of offending her. Now her complete disgust at my very existence is a tangible thing, thick in the air and stifling. But I won. You know why? After much back and forth arguing, she simply said she’d never listen to what I had to say, ever again, no matter what.

Now there’s a solution I just adore. You see, there’s something called throwing the baby out with the bath water, and she did it because she could not see beyond the things she disagreed with, beyond what offended her delicate sensibilities. Good arguments, valid observations, unique points of view? All irrelevant due to one simple fact: I constantly said things that in her views were invalid, therefore I was invalid. Aside from the logical fallacy that implies, it’s unmitigated stupidity. At this point, I could cure cancer, yet I’d still be suspect in her eyes, and if she were in a position of authority, the cure I offered could be denied everyone else due to her inability to remain objective.

Offended or not, human beings were blessed with a wonderful thing called a brain which enables them to overcome their emotions and instincts in order to better themselves. This is why I like Eminem regardless of the fact he’s a loud-mouthed, unabashed cliche of the world’s largest asshole. From the mouth of babes, this seemingly mindlessly offensive rapper notes that school shootings only became a major deal after they started happening in suburbia. Among other things, he says shit nobody else in their right mind would say, even though half of us out here are thinking the exact same thing. Do I agree with everything he says? Hell no. But I don’t have to, that’s the beauty of having something between my ears other than stale milkduds.

Do I agree with everyone 100%? Hell no. Do I respect the general populace of the world enough to assume they have the cognitive ability to discern valid from invalid before writing someone or something off? I like to hope so. Self censorship is still censorship, people. Confronting fear is the only way to defeat it, and actually analyzing a point of view is the only way to determine its true merit.

No, what the fuck am I thinking. Put your fingers back into your ears and yell “La la la la la. I’m not listening! La la la la la!” like the good sheep you are. What kind of insane shit was I going on about, when the truth of the matter is that people would rather ignore something than see it for what it is.

But at least I tried. That’s something I’ll always be able to say. Even Rush Limbaugh has his days, even though I think the man is a walking pile of shit for the most part. So go ahead and ignore or berate people who say their piece. You’re only short-changing yourself in the long run.

Oh, when you think about this ten years down the road, remember I told you so.

You *Will* Be Offended