For this latest rant, I’d like to quote a letter forwarded to me by my former friend Becky, who apparently believes it’s fine to entice men into sinful thoughts. Please note that I have enhanced the letter somewhat to provide appropriate descriptions for certain key words.

Dear Becky: I don’t really feel right about sending you this message but I felt it still needed to be aired. I have a boyfriend who attends one of your classes at Eden and I have learned that he has repeatedly been distracted by your appearance. I know of this because I just recently overheard him passing crude remarks in reference to your body in a phone conversation with one of his friends. A girl I know who attends the same class told me your name and I looked it up in the directory so I could contact you in a polite way. You may be an attractive woman, but dressing in ways that deliberately put emphasis on your bodily curves and feminine clothing(often tight and revealing your large bottom and panty-line–which my boyfriend has a weakness for) is not the proper way to present yourself in an educational setting. I have a strong feeling that he is not the only guy who feels the same way about you. This is very sinful on your part, in my opinion. He is trying hard to succeed in academics and live a moral life, and he and other guys would be better off without the distractions that come from women of low moral standards. Whether or not you are intent on causing young men temptation, please consider carrying yourself in a more modest manner for everyone’s sake.

How could you, Becky? How can you shamelessly thrust your body at innocent men who are simply attempting to further their study in the chaste art of ministry?! Why, this poor woman’s loving and faithful boyfriend is undoubtedly resisting the urge to bang you like an old army drum with every iota of his being! See how he has turned to friends to discuss your filthy debauchery, futilely seeking moral guidance from his friends in the wake the temptations you present. The ironclad will of this man to follow the rightful teachings of Jesus Christ has been torn asunder, tarnishing his upright and spotless reputation among his friends, family, and the seminary which he attends. I hope you’re happy with the havoc you have wrought.

I could never have imagined that a friend of mine would in reality, be a wanton slut trolling a theological institution for a nice rock-hard cock to satiate her uncontrollable lust. You know they have a word for women who prey on the inherent weaknesses of men, twisting men’s hearts toward nefarious use of their penises: succubus. Though I’m sure, that faced with the reality of your thrusting your body at every passing man, a normal succubus would blanch at the sheer brazenness of your advances. Now that I look back on our time together, I know that you were merely a sex-starved hussy, ripping me from the true and straight path toward spiritual salvation for your own morally corrupt ends.

Your parents should be ashamed! To think that their little girl has progressed from an innocent child to the very embodiment of an opportune temptress. I can only imagine that they curl up in bed at night, weeping and shuddering at what they could have done differently to spare the world from the sinful heart beating in your shameless jezebel bosom.

Were you born in an Islamic country, you would have rightly been covered from head to toe in clothing more befitting a woman. Some claim that burkas and the like are merely indicators of an oppressive and backwards society, but when confronted with your example of how our society has gone too far in the other direction, I can’t help but wonder if modesty wouldn’t do this country some good. Furthermore, we should institute mandatory stonings for women found to be engaging in conversation with men they’re not related to; they are undoubtedly plying their trade in seduction to draw men away from activities they’d rather be doing, like mowing the lawn or memorizing the bible. I could go on for hours on changes that would make this country a better and more God fearing place to live, but a message like that would be lost to people like you.

You should be ashamed Becky, but I know you aren’t. I dated you once, so I know the futility of trying to convince you that enticing men for your amusement is wrong. May God have mercy on your soul, though if it were up to me, mercy would be the only boon you would not be granted. The fact is, your wanton behavior should only be rewarded with an eternity of hellish torment as you have tormented so many others when they were simply trying to be upstanding citizens of this wonderful nation. Shame on you, Becky. Shame.

Becky: Wanton Slut