So what do you do if you can’t easily escape a snowed-in parking spot, and you drive a truck? Well, drive right into the car behind you, of course! Just back waaaaay up, about three feet farther than necessary, and just let the bed of your truck scrape right along the hood of whoever is behind you. Then when you’re done, just drive away! All the cool kids are doing it. Leave a note apologizing or giving your insurance information? What are you, drunk?And here I was, starting to forget that Chicago was a putrid stain on the face of civilization, unworthy of the effort necessary of reducing it to a pile of smoking rubble. Should the day come when ICBMs are fired at the US, I somehow doubt any would dirty themselves by entering Chicago airspace. This city is safe, merely because it is a horrible wasteland which emanates banality and destruction. I’m surprised pigeons don’t immediately drop out of the sky twitching in throes of death within five miles of this filthy, pulsating bastion of bubbling chlamydia puss.It is impossible to have a nice car in Chicago without a garage. Parking on the street is a crapshoot, and I guess I was just lucky nothing happened before now. I need to get my car somewhere safe so it sustains no more damage, and get it fixed so someone will fucking buy it, but I’m kinda screwed here. If I get it fixed, I have to put it somewhere, or it’ll just get hit by something else again. But I can’t sell it until I get it fixed… Nice!I have a friend who’s all into rebuilding and selling cars. I’m going to see if he’ll take on this challenge, because I don’t have the resources here, and this vehicle is becoming more and more of a liability.

I Almost Forgot I Hate Chicago