Well, my real estate agent called me earlier today, and it’s official: random people now reside in my former domicile. What’s better, the state of Illinois and my bank both agree I have been swindled out of a deeded property merely by signing a few papers dictating “sale terms” or some such nonsense. I have been released to the winds, no longer obligated to maintain a small swath of dilapidated Americana. Finally, I am free to amble aimlessly down dingy alleys crawling with filthy miscreants and ignore their gravely hunger-stricken pleas for monetary assistance, for those lacking home ownership are equal in the eyes of The Man.
That said, now that I’ve finally unburdened myself of both house and car payments, my financial situation has greatly improved. Now my nervous energy can be focused on the looming cardiology appointment on the 27th.