Rant

C:\POSTARTICLE.EXE

           Article Posting Engine 2.97.827 build 132875423 alpha 47
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Enter article type. Enter ? for list.
> rant

Loading rant module... done.

Enter rant type.  Enter ? for list.
> sarcastic

Initializing sarcasm plugin... done.

Select sarcasm level.  Enter ? for list.
> billionty

WARNING! Setting 'billionty' is highly unstable!  Continue?
> yes

Enter subject matter, 'FUCK' terminates:
> Clinton
> Bush
> dynasty
> hades
> handbasket
> FUCK

Generating tokenizer... done.
Building complaint matrix... done.
Tapping hypothetical entropy dimension... done.

List content sources in order of importance, 'FUCK' terminates:
> internets
> FUCK

Source 'internets' requires a parameter.  How many 'internets' ?
> 17

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In 1981, Ronald Regan became the 40th president of the United States. His Vice President George H.W. Bush–who like all proper aristocracy named his son after himself, later inspiring George Forman to follow suit with all of his sons–discovered the greatest truth in all recorded history: Americans are incredibly stupid. With this knowledge in hand, he desperately sought to curtail America’s slide into debauchery, yet no answers to this most-terrifying of prospects presented itself. Poor George Sr. cried himself to sleep in his Scrooge McDuck-like money-bin for twelve long years as Vice President and President, shuddering in abject horror that he’d prove unable to stop the madness.

And now the shit hits the fucking fan. The crazy thing, is that there are still investors, real-estate agents, and brokers out there with their heads firmly embedded in their own rectal stew. (warning, do not, ever click the previous link.)

And then we have inflation. The consumer price index went up by nearly a percent in November alone! What’s that little Timmy, a recession? Don’t you worry little guy, food is overrated anyway. Where’s your ethanol now, you greedy fucksticks?

I just watched Michael Moore’s Sicko over at Google Video, and I have to say… I already knew most of this. But having it summarized, without Moore’s usual political grandstanding or creative edits, draws a stark and rigid line—maybe through our assumptions—to why I’ve lost faith America can draw itself away from terminable selfishness.

Yeah, that’s right; I’m talking about you. Yes you right there, sitting on your lazy ass reading this. You know what? This country was founded on some pretty amazing fundamentals that are hard to ignore. What am I babbling about? Put the damn remote down and pay attention for a couple minutes and stop acting like a media zombie while I expound on something you obviously don’t have the intelligence to comprehend anyway.