A few months ago, Greg Smith of PostgreSQL fame suggested I submit a proposal to the new Postgres Open conference here in Chicago. Some of us residents of the Midwest have long waited for a PostgreSQL-related conference of our very own, and now the glorious day has finally arrived. I was asked to submit proposals to other conferences, but the travel involved quickly put me off; now I can be lazy and still help spread The Word.
Ah, query hints. For all those times when the database isn’t doing what you want, they’re a useful tool for forcing the query optimizer to perform your bidding. But in this case, not only is the road to Hell paved with good intentions, it’s paved with a frictionless slide directly into a wood chipper that empties handily into an active volcano. With query hints, be careful what you wish for, because—to the detriment of all you hold dear—you just might get it.
PostgreSQL can be both a beautiful thing, and an infuriating mess.