Can't Play With My Wii
Well, my quest to obtain a Wii has failed utterly and spectacularly. How could this happen? With hundreds of thousands of these things circulating the country, why are they so unobtainable? Aside from the worthless cocks tying up systems in the pursuit of profit, I’m certain there are some supply-chain issues plaguing the undulating horror of Chicago.
I got up early this morning thanks to my ever present alarm clock: the L train, took a shower, and killed some time to waltz down to the local Best Buy roughly twenty minutes before it opened. For this minimal amount of effort I was rewarded: I was first in line of about twenty people. We all meandered into the store to the section where the Wii should be stored, and were kindly presented with an absolute lack of console goodness. It seems that even though Nintendo, Best Buy corporate, and managers of multiple stores around the country claimed a new shipment would arrive on Sunday, this was a filthy lie meant to shatter the dreams of children, and make baby Jesus cry. Nobody got a Wii at this Best Buy, and thanks to the waiting, we missed the opportunity elsewhere. Thanks you retarded dick-chins!
Distraught, I walked a block and hopped onto the Diversey bus to head down to the Target near North Western Ave. After talking to one of the guys in the electronics section, I was informed they only had six Wiis which of course were sold within fifteen minutes. I had to stop and think about that before the shock manifested. Six?! Chicago, one of the biggest cities in the entire country populated by nearly three million people had six measly Wii consoles delivered to a Target right off the freaking interstate. I believe I’ve cracked the algorithm used to select the amount of systems Nintendo will ship to certain locations: a drunken orangutan, a handful of darts, and a blindfold. Thanks Nintendo!
On the off chance Costco had a few remaining bundles, I once again braved the blistering cold and trudged half a mile from the Target over inch-thick hazardously icy sidewalks, only bothering because the relatively short distance, and Costco is a cornucopia of interesting deals. Again, no sale. But hey, I now know Costco has iPods for $20 and $30 off retail and seems to be liquidating a staggering number of 37" Vizio LCD panels for $999 each. If they weren’t only 720p, I may have picked up a set.
So I now sit at home, dejected and distraught. Will I ever get to play with my Wii before 2007, or hell, 2008? It seems like everyone, their dog, and granny Matilda’s 287 cats wants a Wii while Xbox 360’s languish on the shelves. Nintendo has hit a home run this time, struggling to meet demand. From the looks of things, even their promise of four million consoles before 2007 isn’t enough. If they actually meet that number, it means they’ll have sold two million consoles per month for 2006! I’d have to imagine both Microsoft and Sony are quietly shitting themselves at this point. But me? I’ll never get to play with my Wii until someone out there remembers Chicago is populated by more than five toothless hobos and a rickety 27 year-old hound-dog.