Rant

Politically Bankrupt

Dear subhuman filth, I know you’re probably too busy fornicating with your toothless inbred sister to read this, and your unkempt diaper-strewn trailer likely isn’t compatible with such technological advancements such as the internet, but we need to talk, provided you’re even capable of understanding English sentences that don’t include phrases such as “Y’all” or “Hold my beer!”, you hopelessly ignorant Redneck. Stop beating your pitbull with your fourth extra copy of the Holy Bible for one goddamn second, and listen here.

How Donald Trump Happened

I know a lot of people watched the election results in disbelief last night, or woke up this morning and thought something like this: There’s a bit of sad truth there. But the real problem is how we reached the point where this was even possible. The amount of incredulity on display here is actually quite shocking to anyone that was paying attention. I knew Trump had some small chance given the political environment in America right now, yet I never thought he could actually win.

May the Worst Man Win

This Super Tuesday, it became readily apparent that Bernie Sanders and his unprecedented run were finally done for. So now that we’ve finally dispensed with the one candidate that genuinely cared, who remains? Donald Biff Tannen Trump, Ted Insane Zealot Cruz, and Hillary NixonClinton. Well, if those are my choices, then I may just vote Trump to finally burn the whole thing down, because we clearly deserve it. But wait, Hillary isn’t a narcissistic populist or a religious fanatic, so why do I hate her?

I Love Nintendo, and That's why it Needs to Die

I’ve been a fan of Nintendo and its content since I first played Super Mario Brothers in a 7-11 back in the 80’s. I slaved over my Nintendo Entertainment System in 1988 to master Super Mario to such a degree that I could play through the entire game without warps, all on one life. I was awed by The Legend of Zelda, subscribed to Nintendo Power for the free copy of Dragon Warrior, and made Contra my bitch after months of practicing with the aid of the infamous Konami Code.

Phone, Phone on the Range

Mid March is an interesting time of year in 2013. Now that the Galaxy S4 has been announced, there are really three major contenders for my itchy spending finger. Well, technically there are four, but one of them doesn’t really count, for reasons I’ll expound upon shortly. Google Nexus IV This is the phone that doesn’t count. One major benefit it has over all of the others, is that it gets updates directly from Google.