Night-Meh on Elm Street

Lord, what have they done to poor Freddy Krueger? A reboot of this particular franchise had roughly unlimited potential. No more would they need to rely on self-referential humor and sight gags. It could finally be a gritty and disturbing jaunt into the human psyche, or at least a slasher leagues more engaging than Saw and its ilk. The choice of Jackie Earle Haley couldn’t have been more perfect for the role.

Repeated Viewings Mandatory

I originally wanted to take it easy this Saturday and failed miserably. I started the day off by seeing Shutter Island at the theater two miles from my apartment; it’s an awfully convenient jaunt down the road, and I actually woke up early enough to catch the first matinee. One thing I can say about this film, was that it actually had me second-guessing myself for its entirety. Another thing I can claim, is that I actually enjoyed the process.

2012: Blowing Shit up for Humanity

You should see this movie. But before you do, I want to explain a few things. 2012 is by no means High Cinema, and anyone expecting such has no sense of humor and likely entertains themselves by jealously hoarding a stamp collection because of a particular misprint of the liberty bell that somewhat resembles a labia. This type of person should remove the stick from his rectum and realize that this movie is basically a cartoon, and a ridiculously exaggerated one.

Nirvana is Ninja Cheerleaders

There comes a time when a movie comes along, that a man simply knows, deep within his soul, that nothing could ever eclipse its genius. Ninja Cheerleaders, my friends, is that very movie. I knew I’d hit a goldmine when I saw George Takei listed in the credits, sure his unerring integrity was the only real endorsement David Presley’s script needed. Not only was I proven correct, but his portrayal of Hiroshi, sensei to the trio of cheerleaders, literally had me weeping, caught in the tremendous perfection this low-budget comedy deserves!

Review: The Dark Knight

It’s not often I believe a movie deserves the praise it receives, and Hollywood suffers a fair deluge of not entirely undeserved criticism concerning its dearth of ideas lately. But The Dark Knight, oddly enough a “sequel” to 2005’s Batman Begins–the most recent in a long line of Batman based cinema stretching back to Tim Burton’s Batman from 1989 (I don’t count previous attempts)–proves the industry isn’t entirely staffed by unimaginative, self-gratifying hacks.