MyMyBox Eats Anus

I’ve tried being nice. I’ve sent multiple messages to their support email address. I’ve ignored the faults in the BlueShark pad I purchased and asked merely for a replacement connector cable. I even offered to purchase the replacement since it was probably damaged during shipping, regardless of how sloppily the pad was boxed. But now, after two months of essentially being ignored, I’ve resolved that MyMyBox must be destroyed!

Why then, did it have to come to this? It’s fairly simple, really: mymybox is the epitome of a crusty, infected rectal wart. The staff at Mymybox is either incompetent, incapable, or downright unwilling to provide service beyond buying cut-rate garbage from china and hawking it to unsuspecting net denizens. I had heard stories of the amazing BlueShark DDR pad, which I can attest is a wondrous piece of equipment for a day or two. The design is top-notch, the construction is almost passible, and at least is capable of being repaired. The support? Worse than trying to teach a retarded monkey advanced differential mathematics while being repeatedly sodomized by a pinecone. Some would claim endless hours spent dodging simian-flung poo while sporting an uncomfortable rectal protrusion would be rather unpleasant. These people have never dealt with MyMyBox staff, however.

I’ve been called once after five or six emails asking for some kind of help, or information on where I can purchase a replacement part that isn’t listed on their website. A call? Send me a replacement or tell me where to find one. This is not rocket science, you baby-chunk regurgitating pustules! I did not pay $350 for a DDR pad that lasts two months. If I wanted to waste so much cash for a useless piece of hardware, I’d buy a crate of vintage Speak-N-Spells and use them for skeet-shooting. Why don’t I return it? If these drooling asshats fuck up a simple replacement part, I’m lucky I received a BlueShark at all, and returning it would probably somehow end up in my credit card being charged again as they laugh maniacally. Besides, it would cost more to ship it back to them than it’s worth to me.

When I ordered my Cobalt Fluxes, they were packaged with a very professional logo stamped on the front of a box custom made for their pads, with at least two inches of packing-foam encasing the entire 3-foot square monstrosity. I had to peel blue plastic protective film from every single polycarbonate panel, and slightly loosen screws that were tightened for safe shipping. When the BlueShark arrived, it was double-boxed with a smattering of half-inch foam remnants and a controller cable haphazardly hurled into the mix. This was sloppy, and as expected, UPS wasted no time subjecting the package to various unmentionably graphic attacks, rendering the final product dented but functional. When everything was unpacked, and an outer plastic covering removed, I noticed a distinct lack of protective blue film almost everything containing a steel finish seems to have these days. I also noticed shoe prints on the pad itself. The controller cable was mangled, and plugging it into a PS2 resulted in a continuously activated start-button. I should have immediately packed everything back up, written “return to sender,” and immediately issued a credit-card chargeback.

Instead, I unplugged the cable, pulled on the insulating sleeve, since it plainly didn’t cover the smaller wires within, and tried again. It worked, so I was relieved enough to forgive a little bad packaging. I knew it may be a problem in the future, so I sought a replacement, even if I had to purchase it, assuming the cable was damaged in shipping. But MyMyBox made a serious mistake! They have forums where users can easily whine about the support they aren’t receiving. These forums have been recently spammed by a slew of porn vendors, lending proof that they don’t even bother to attempt moderation or monitor for questions. I found a thread where at least three other people had the same exact problem with their pads. Same misfiring cable, same bad packing, same misdirected attempts at contacting the unthinking zombie hordes staffing the support line. In fact, a slow undead creature twitching and moaning, staring sightlessly into a flickering monitor as they unceremoniously flail a rotting arm near a telephone would probably be an improvement.

So when the cable stopped working, I angrily broke open the part that inserts into the PS2, and then I was shocked. Contained therein is actually a small controller chip and a small circuit board that obviously acted as the entire control mechanism for the pad itself. I initially wondered why no controller box was included, since most metal pads sport this feature, but now everything is clear. They purchased a crate of cut-rate miniaturized controller cables and used them in lieu of a more robust and replaceable control box. Thanks, assholes! But at least this means if I can reverse-engineer the pinout, I can make my own damn control box and forget these cheese-dicks exist. But that doesn’t mean I forgive them.

No way. Fuck you, MyMyBox! Cobalt Flux never directly answered my emails, but magically I would receive replacement parts with no questions asked. That really surprised me, and I almost felt guilty even though the mistake was initially theirs. MyMyBox on the other hand, is just a gaggle of undulating colon reapers. I will make it my mission to make sure nobody ever buys any of your worthless fucking merchandise ever again. I’ll spam every forum, dissuade every potential buyer, and drone on at length of my experience to ensure every single human capable of spoken or written language knows what a fucking fraud you are, MyMyBox. Suck a dick, you filthy excuses for exploding diarrhea.

Until Tomorrow