A Little Bit of Wondering

About a week ago, I was prescribed Lexapro. While this may not be the stuff I’m on long-term, it’s still long overdue for reasons obvious to anyone who knows me.

What I currently find most interesting about it however, is actually related to a dream I had last night. My dreams tend to be very vivid and numerous, though sometimes they follow a theme or storyline. Last night, there was one particular scene I recall with such clarity, it’s almost difficult to accept I wasn’t awake. Clearly I was asleep, and obviously it didn’t happen, but the fact it’s burned into my long-term memory is very strange.

In this portion of the dream, I was about to take some of my Lexapro. For the first few days, the doctor wanted me to take half doses, and my sleeping brain still had a firm grasp of this constraint. But alas! Upon pouring the pills into my hand, I accidentally dropped them all on the floor. Did I mention I was at work? And for some reason, work in my dream had shag carpeting? While bent over and putting all the pills back into the bottle, I was worried I wouldn’t get them all. So worried in fact, I was basically just shoving various floor detritus into the bottle. I even picked carpet fibers from one of the split tablets; I didn’t want to lose any!

This included some rotten vegetables (why?) that were also tangled up in the carpet. Realizing my mistake, I carefully extracted the vegetables from the bottle, but then noticed the pills were gone! What happened to them? They were dissolved by the juices of the rotten produce, which was now all over my hands. Somehow the tablets I had cut in half—the whole reason I had to pour them into my hand—had become capsules and also dissolved into the goo. The new worry of course, was that I had overdosed by osmosis.

Work was having a big party that night, but of course I had to leave because I needed to get my prescription replaced. Leaving the party was partially a relief, because of course I hate large gatherings of people. And wouldn’t you know it? I forgot the bottle, so I had to go back into work and retrieve it before I could actually leave.

Now, the dream itself had a few other elements I somewhat recall, but details are sketchy and I’d be too tempted to fill in missing pieces. The part about dropping everything, picking through the carpet, and then having Lexapro-infused veggie goo all over my hands was extremely vivid. I didn’t sleep well last night in general, waking up a couple times and then just being awake for no reason, so it’s good to know I got some sleep. But the fact my dreams centered on a bunch of worrisome BS is hardly relaxing.

I now realize I do that quite often. Some of my dreams are grand adventures, but another portion of them are just a bunch of worrying about things. It’s ridiculous, really. My only real hope is that the Lexapro isn’t contributing to my periodic insomnia. That’s really the last thing I need right now.

Until Tomorrow