Travel Shmavel

I may finally have some respite from my hectic schedule full of flying all over the continental United States. On the other hand, I’m typing this very post from the airport, so perhaps not? The yearly EdgeFest company event was the last item on my itinerary after several conferences, and let’s just say the return trip is an ongoing dumpster fire.

EdgeFest itself was long, because the team that works on the Spock extension decided to get together and get some actual work done before festivities and other requisite meetings. I ended up arriving on Sunday April 27th so we could start immediately on Monday. We stayed at the Lansdowne Resort in Virginia, and while I didn’t take advantage of the spa or golf course, I took frequent walks to the nearby park trail to enjoy the wonderful weather.

In any case, the Spock roadmap planning went as these usually do: a few meetings, some great progress, and we broke until EdgeFest proper began on Thursday. That was just more meetings, so I won’t bore you with the details. The important part is that everyone started going home on Friday, and that’s where my true Hell began. You see, I booked my round-trip with Delta, which is something I’ve never done before. I almost always fly American Airlines. While I’ve had an occasional issue with one thing or another on that airline, Delta has gone above and beyond in driving me into a kind of bemused apoplectic rage.

It started innocently enough Friday afternoon. My flight was scheduled for 5:40, but I didn’t have anything else to do at the resort so I took an Uber there around 1:30pm. That gave me a lot of time to kill, but that’s fine. I also had a comfortable two hour layover in Atlanta (which itself is weird given Bloomington’s proximity to Chicago), so I just kicked back and worked on some stuff while I waited.

Then the delays started. Our plane arrived 15 minutes late, but apparently weather meant the trip itself would be 20 minutes longer than usual. Then we couldn’t get scheduled on the runway. In the end, we launched almost an hour late, and I was starting to get nervous. Upon arrival in Atlanta around 8:15pm, I made my way to the new gate and then started looking for dinner. The layover wasn’t long enough to eat in a restaurant, and the fast-food wasn’t looking good, so I ended up having a bag of nuts. Yay.

But wait! What’s this? Due to some thunderstorm warnings and other unforeseen events, our plane had no pilots. They had to make an emergency landing elsewhere and were then relieved for the night. Delta found two new pilots for us, so everything was back on schedule! For 10:15pm. Delaying a 9:40 flight to 10:15 isn’t too bad, after all. The First Officer informed us around 10:40 (long after we boarded the plane) that our new pilot had actually been pulled from the flight, and they couldn’t find a replacement. So they de-boarded us and I was somewhat despondent about what to do now.

As luck or policy would have it, Delta sent us a link to book a hotel for the night, and recommended we keep it under 5 miles away. I dutifully chose the Quality Suites Atlanta Airport East a mere two miles away and hurried toward the airport shuttles. The shuttle took its sweet time, so I spent some time griping about the situation to a few other passengers who were equally unimpressed. Some time around 11:15pm, the shuttle finally arrived and everyone piled on.

But something was wrong. We passed a LaQuinta, Hilton, and Holiday Inn which seemed to be about two miles from the shuttle bay, and kept on going. For another ten minutes. Apparently the “two miles” is any distance from the furthest part of the airport, so that’s basically just an outright lie. Now it’s close to 11:30pm and everyone checked into the incredibly sketchy hotel, and we promise to meet the next morning at 6am to begin the adventure once again.

The hotel itself was some kind of terrifying abomination straight from the mind of H.P. Lovecraft. The elevator “up” button was covered with a hastily scribbled notecard that said “Press Down!” And indeed, “down” made the elevator go up. The elevator smelled awful, and creaked like a rusty boiler room, where I immediately consigned myself to an untimely demise. Alas, I eventually reached the second floor and found my room (215) right at the elevator bay.

Upon opening the door, I found I couldn’t actually open the door. The first few inches went as you might expect a door to operate, and then the paper-thin hotel carpet stopped the door abruptly. I had to push hard to open the door enough to squeak through the opening, and then I absolutely regretted having done so. Because as bad as the elevator smelled, my room was somehow worse: like a cross between stale halitosis and shattered dreams. But hey, at least the AC worked!

One thing I had to do in the room was check my flight. Delta’s mobile app is literally a crime against humanity, and hasn’t shown me any updates since the first flight delay to 9:40pm. The website showed the plane would leave at 9:15am Saturday morning, which is what everyone else was saying Delta told them via email. But not me. The last email update I received from Delta was that the flight was delayed to 10:15. Then the hotel vouchers. Then utter silence. I still haven’t received any email update from Delta, and the App is still showing the wrong information as of 7:30am. What.

Let’s be honest, this wasn’t exactly the Ritz. I checked the bed thoroughly for bedbugs, because if they would be anywhere during my travels, it would be here. Surprisingly, there were none to be found! I took this as a good sign, so I brushed my teeth, set my alarm for 5am, and went to bed around 12:30. I don’t know when I actually fell asleep, but it was a while, probably some time after 1:30. I can’t rightly recall the dream I had, but it was pretty weird and unsettling. Then my alarm went off and reminded me that I wanted to go back to sleep and risk the trials and tribulations of that alternate universe rather than trudge back to the airport.

We gathered in the hotel lobby and moaned about this whole thing, and that’s where I learned from a few frequent Delta flyers that this happens “often”. One woman said she’d been diverted to a hotel no less than three times due to various mishaps. I’ve been flying regularly for over 20 years, and not once have I needed to stay at a hotel overnight. Until Delta. How in the Hell has Delta been the top rated airline for so long? From my perspective, it’s easily the worst of the big three.

The shuttle was scheduled for 6am, and it arrived a bit early at 5:30 so we all piled on again. I’m really glad I didn’t sleep a bit longer and go downstairs at 5:45, because the shuttle left almost immediately once we were onboard. Ten minutes later on and off the freeway (two miles, eh?) we pulled up to the airport and went inside.

Now, there’s no way I trust Delta at this point. The app is still showing the flight information from last night, and unless I type in the confirmation number, even the website has no record of my trip. So I went to the Delta assistance desk and had them print an actual paper boarding pass. The lady at the help desk scanned my passport—which is in my account and on the flight reservation—and finds nothing. So I give her the confirmation number and that works. By this time, I’ve entered my confirmation number in various parts of the app or website a dozen times, and it steadfastly refuses to associate my account with the itinerary. Why? What’s wrong with it? My literal passport number is on both!

Despite all of this, I successfully made it through security and used the train to get to Concourse C where our flight will (supposedly) board. Oh, and my boarding pass… isn’t. It’s a “seat request”. Hooray! It’s going to be hours until the gate agents show up, so until then, I’m not even sure I have a seat on the flight. If not, I’ll be updating this post to continue the saga. The flight is supposed to leave at 9:10am, so I guess I’ll find out shortly.

Until then, I just want to reiterate that I will never in a million years book a Delta flight ever again. This is the first and absolutely last time. Their mobile app is hot garbage—the listed flight information is still wrong! Their website is unreliable and slow. Their computer system apparently can’t associate reservations with accounts even when they use the same ID. Their notification system is completely broken. They apparently have such a low roster of pilots that this happens “often” according to a frequent customer.

I would rather take a Greyhound, and I’d probably get home faster.