Not sure how I forgot to post this, but last Friday, I went to local TLC Laser Eye Center and practically got laughed out of the office. Their multi-million dollar machinery couldn’t even diagnose my prescription because it was too high. You’d think if a company manufactured something worth several million dollars, they’d go for broke and design the thing to recognize some patently absurd level seen only in Mr. Magoo or possibly a blind mole rat. I mean, I only have about -13 diopters of myopia and another -3.5 diopters of astigmatism.

Warning, this rant is brutal and not safe for 5-year-old girls.

I recently saw this video on temperature, and I have to agree: temperature can suck a bowl of maggots swimming in herpes-infested pus scabs. Especially winter. Fuck you, winter. So far, this particular winter is about as endearing as a festering rat carcass cellphone-cozy. February has been a blistering barrage of snowstorm warnings, wind-chill advisories, and apparently deadly fucking tornadoes. Are you kidding me?

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In 1981, Ronald Regan became the 40th president of the United States. His Vice President George H.W. Bush–who like all proper aristocracy named his son after himself, later inspiring George Forman to follow suit with all of his sons–discovered the greatest truth in all recorded history: Americans are incredibly stupid. With this knowledge in hand, he desperately sought to curtail America’s slide into debauchery, yet no answers to this most-terrifying of prospects presented itself. Poor George Sr. cried himself to sleep in his Scrooge McDuck-like money-bin for twelve long years as Vice President and President, shuddering in abject horror that he’d prove unable to stop the madness.

And there are those that vanish,
beneath the sundered skies.
Who prey upon the witless,
with malice in their eyes.

Sit smoking in the landscape,
a rolling wake of rage.
Tumultuous with a sickness.
beyond mere turn of age.

This rhyming lilt of marching,
doth shake the pebbled earth.
Resplendent in the darkness,
erasing his own birth.

Bob: Wow, I was beginning to think you’d fallen off teh intarwebs.

Shaun: Droll.

Bob: Well, I certainly thought so. What, nothing to say for the last over a month?

Shaun: …

Bob: I’ll take that as a no.

Shaun: Do you think this is healthy?