After a recent and invigorating game of paintball, I had decided to further punish my poor body by finding an arcade in the area that had a Dance Dance Revolution machine.

Before I really get into this, let me say that I live in The Quad Cities. An otherwise average part of the Midwest, it’s also the home of more road construction than any city I’ve ever seen, even those with populations ranging in the millions. We’re on the Mississippi, and every single bridge across it is in some state of construction! This should give you some idea of the general level of idiocy around here, I hope I can move away before it infects me.

He crouched silently behind the tree, scanning the open spaces between scattered derelict barrels, dirty tractor tires jutting weirdly from the ground, and haphazard logs. The steady patpatpat of pressurized guns came from all directions. Suddenly the slim cover, peppered by a hail of incoming fire, became a liability; it was time to move.

So, somehow I got roped into a paintball game on Saturday. Never done it before, but it should be fun anyway. There’s going to be over a dozen of us on a few acres at a reserved paintball area, but I don’t really know much else. Hah.

Well, I went to an airshow with my girlfriend this weekend. While the airshow itself was somewhat boring compared to the one I saw when I lived near Fairchild, it was at least interesting. Not every day you see jets flying around. Though I could do with something to drink other than $2 lemonade. After that, I got to entertain her cousin and a few of his 11-year-old friends. That’s where some of my pain comes from. Maybe if I were in better shape, I could keep up with them, but for now, they ran me ragged. Oddly enough, I seemed big enough to simply toss them away like bugs when they kept rushing me. I’ll have to think about why that is, considering I stopped growing when I was 13. I knew I was big for my age back then, but geez.

Yeah, that’s right; I’m talking about you. Yes you right there, sitting on your lazy ass reading this. You know what? This country was founded on some pretty amazing fundamentals that are hard to ignore. What am I babbling about? Put the damn remote down and pay attention for a couple minutes and stop acting like a media zombie while I expound on something you obviously don’t have the intelligence to comprehend anyway.