Reports of my demise are highly exaggerated. For those who haven’t heard, I paid a prolonged and unexpected visit to an emergency room on Wednesday. There I was, sitting at my desk doing some last-minute queries sipping a decaf iced coffee I’d acquired from Dunkin’ Donuts, when I’d started feeling somewhat odd. Not to be a worry-wart, I shrugged it off and continued banally pounding-out horrifying SQL resplendent with awe-inspiring and highly convoluted JOIN statements when my heart began pounding like I’d just finished a brisk 20-minutes playing DDR.

I think it’s time I reveal my little secret to where I’ve been acquiring financial news and commodity trends. While none of these can be considered a penultimate resource, their combined effervescence should explain at least a fragment of my pessimism concerning our economy. As I elucidated back in December, the over-leveraging of our fractional reserve banking system in the housing market to the tune of several trillion dollars has, like your hopes of being the first to impregnate Jessica Alba, tragically ended.

I’m about 1/3 through Wicked, and having seen the musical adaptation, I’m somewhat confused. I know movies and musicals based on novels commonly encounter issues compressing the material into two hours of nonstop entertainment, but this example is such a ridiculous extreme, I wonder if they didn’t purposefully throw out 95% of the book to avoid confusion. I should note that I loved the musical, and I’m guiltily enjoying the novel, but suggesting they describe the same events would likely disrupt the space-time continuum and destroy us all.

Curious, I wanted to know what my name anagrammed into. For reference, I used “Shaun Moses Thomas” with a minimum word length of two. Nauseas Moths Mosh Aha! Hostess Summon Manta Shushes Moos Smashes Humans Too! Aha! He Summons Sots Soon Has Smut Shame Amusing. Until Tomorrow

It’s too bad I don’t have a previous stress echo to compare this to, since I’ve never had one before. Anyway, my appointment was scheduled for Wednesday 9am at Northwestern in Chicago. I got back to work around 1:30pm, and I was right, they spent a billionty years digging into my ribs and various other spots. They say my anatomy doesn’t seem to match my diagnosis, which is somewhat amusing. He knows how CC-TGA, JAA, and dextrocardia can go together, but it seems counter-intuitive.