Song: Cry of the Liger

Sung to “Eye of the Tiger”. I also apologize profusely for this. Glancin’ up, back on its feet. First it stares, then it pounces. Through the distance, you can never retreat. Just a man who’ll be eaten alive! So many times, it happens too fast. Its claws and teeth are both gory. Don’t try to run or it will save you for last. You must fight, or he’ll eat you alive.

2012: Blowing Shit up for Humanity

You should see this movie. But before you do, I want to explain a few things. 2012 is by no means High Cinema, and anyone expecting such has no sense of humor and likely entertains themselves by jealously hoarding a stamp collection because of a particular misprint of the liberty bell that somewhat resembles a labia. This type of person should remove the stick from his rectum and realize that this movie is basically a cartoon, and a ridiculously exaggerated one.

Nirvana is Ninja Cheerleaders

There comes a time when a movie comes along, that a man simply knows, deep within his soul, that nothing could ever eclipse its genius. Ninja Cheerleaders, my friends, is that very movie. I knew I’d hit a goldmine when I saw George Takei listed in the credits, sure his unerring integrity was the only real endorsement David Presley’s script needed. Not only was I proven correct, but his portrayal of Hiroshi, sensei to the trio of cheerleaders, literally had me weeping, caught in the tremendous perfection this low-budget comedy deserves!