Morons on the Internet: Hilarity Ensues

9 min read

Well it turns out I found a couple forums discussing the same thing as my rant from yesterday with one major difference: the forum is apparently frequented by morons. Granted, these particular unabashed cretins are capable of utilizing a computer, but its clear these computers were manufactured by Fisher Price, and are likely caked in drool and feces. It’s time to put the internet to its actual purpose! Do you know what that is? Porn? Perish the thought. Videos? Games? Facebook? Sorry Bub. The real purpose of the internet is to shamelessly taunt and belittle other people on the internet. Since this is me, and I pride myself on being unnecessarily mean-spirited for no apparent reason just for the entertainment value. Let’s see just what my esteemed cohorts over at the Topix Forums are mindlessly babbling about, shall we?

Don't need no edumacatin'

6 min read

Note: Names have been changed to protect the retarded, but they know who they are.

People are nothing, if not hilarious.

A local school had a referendum on the ballot yesterday, the second of February, which was soundly defeated. Why was the district begging for cash? It might have something to do with the state cutting half their funding. Not ten, twenty, or even thirty percent, allowing for some measure of reorganization to preserve programs, half. The property taxes in the district’s area are some of the lowest in the state, not having been raised since the 1970’s, so they hoped the public would cut them a break just this once.

Song: Cry of the Liger

1 min read

Sung to “Eye of the Tiger”. I also apologize profusely for this.

Glancin’ up, back on its feet.
First it stares, then it pounces.
Through the distance, you can never retreat.
Just a man who’ll be eaten alive!

So many times, it happens too fast.
Its claws and teeth are both gory.
Don’t try to run or it will save you for last.
You must fight, or he’ll eat you alive.

Variations on a Theme

4 min read

What exactly do you do, when you realize there’s nothing seems interesting? That you don’t want to meet anyone, because there’s a limit to the elements that influence the human condition, and people are nothing if not predictable, instinctually driven automatons ultimately devoid of novelty. We’re creatures of habit, of our environment, of parenting, of any multitude within a cavalcade of influences both imagined and concrete. Yet our psychology is exquisitely unencumbered with the confusion this might imply.

Grasping at Air

4 min read

It’s funny, how we grip so tenaciously to the labels that bind us. Those essentially meaningless syllables that rattle with vowels and consonants but are lost to history and tradition. Do we really identify with these words? Or are they surreal and disjointed to the majority, only accepted as society demands?